Dear you.
Thank you for your letter. And thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. It is such a moving poem you wrote about the quiet flame. It really paints a clear picture of how you are feeling. Of hope and how fragile hope can be. Thank you for that. If writing helps you make sense of your feelings and thoughts, then by all means keep it up. It can be a really good way of expressing yourself and sorting out what is going on in life.
It sounds like your life is hard at the moment and has been getting harder lately. Sometimes when life is hard, we find ways to deal with it that can be harmful for us. And cutting yourself can be one way of dealing with emotional distress. I am sorry to hear that you are harming yourself again. It sounds like you have been struggling by yourself for a long time. Nobody should struggle alone like you do for such a long time. It sounds like you have been working really hard to get your mother to help you to get a therapist. You have been fighting hard. Nobody should be standing alone with “…an unsolved puzzle trying to piece itself back together, with no manual.” as you put it so vividly.
I think it is important that you get to talk to somebody about what you are going through and how you are feeling, so that you can get the help you need. Is there another grown-up that you trust in your life that you can talk to? Someone in your Family? Or perhaps someone I your school; the school nurse, a teacher…You don’t have to tell them everything to begin with, you can start by saying that you need someone to talk to about how you are feeling. Then they will help you get the help you need.
You have already taken the first step. Thank you for your courage. There are people out there who want to and can help you.
You are always welcome to call or write back to Tú og Eg Ráðgevingina hjá Barnabata á 116 111.