Dear you. Thank you for writing this letter.
What you are describing makes sense; You are not actually jealous that your friend is struggling — you jealous that she feels able to ask for help. That’s a very human kind of jealousy. It’s about wanting support, safety, and someone to take your pain seriously. You describe that self-harm has gotten worse, and you are having thoughts about suicide when things feel really bad, bullying at school, feeling exhausted all the time, and trying to hide all of it. Of course you’re tired. Anyone would be tired. You’re carrying a lot.
It is common and natural to be afraid and not knowing how to put your pain and struggles into words. You’re not alone in feeling this. When you’ve been pretending to be okay for a long time, telling the truth can feel almost impossible. I hear something important in your wishes, that a tiny, 1%, part of you is imagining getting real help. That 1% matters. That’s the part of you that still hopes things could feel different. You don’t have to go from 0% to 100% and suddenly tell your mom everything. You don’t have to explain everything at once. Perhaps you can start the conversation with your mother as simlpe as possible: “Can I see a therapist? I don’t really know how to explain it yet.” A therapist’s job is literally to help you find the words.
When your self-harm is getting worse and when suicide thoughts show up it is already serious enough to deserve adult support. You do not have to wait until things are worse. And you should not stand alone with these matters. You describe that it is also difficult to reach out to other adults. Very often it is the first step that is the most difficult. Perhaps you could think of an adult that you trust fx heilsufrøðingurin in your school, a teacher or another adult in your family. There are people out there who want to listen.
The fact that you’re imagining help means a part of you wants to live differently. That part is important. You don’t have to decide everything today. But maybe don’t close the door entirely either. Leave it open 1%.
Thank you for writing, once again. Remind yourself, that there are people out there who care about your safety. You don’t have to carry this alone.
You are always welcome to call or write Tù og Eg Ráðgevingina hjá Barnabata á 116 111 again.