Dear you.
Thank you for writing to us. The fact that you’re saying “right now I don’t want to end my life” matters. That tells me there’s a part of you that wants to stay safe — and that part deserves support. When you’re self-harming and having thoughts about ending your life — even if you feel kind of “neutral” about it right now — that’s something you should have adult help for. It’s natural for you to feel like you can’t tell family or adults, but you shouldn’t have to handle something this heavy alone.
- How much can you tell your friends?
You don’t have to tell every detail. It’s enough to say something like:
“I’ve been struggling with self-harm and some dark thoughts, and I’m trying to stay safe.”
You don’t have to give them details and usually details aren’t necessarily helpful for them — and can sometimes overwhelm or trigger people. - How often can you tell them?
It can be tricky to figure out when and how often you can or should tell them. That’s at very natural thought. A good balance is asking sometimes, not constantly. You can even say:
“Is it okay if I talk about something heavy for a few minutes?” That shows respect for their feelings too. - How can you tell them?
If emotions aren’t something you usually talk about, you can start small. Maybe text one friend you trust most. It can actually be easier in writing. Since you’re already talking about self-harm with one friend, that might be the safest place to start. - Can you trust they’ll be there?
Good friends will protect you and listen to your struggles. But of course, they’re 14 too. They can support you as friends, not as therapists. If someone pulls back, it usually means they feel overwhelmed, not that you’re “too negative.”
It can be important for you to consider that friends are support, but they are not a safety plan. If you ever feel like you might actually act on suicidal thoughts, that’s when you need immediate adult help — even if it feels scary. You deserve to stay alive, even on the days when you feel unsure about that.
Perhaps there is an adult in your life that you trust and can start the conversation of your struggles with, fx. a teacher, heilsufrøðingurin in your school or someone in your family. You don’t have to tell everything at once. You can start with a sentence like “I’m not okay and I need help.”
I’m really glad that you reached out. I want to tell you that you are not dramatic and you are a 14-year-old carrying something heavy. There are people out there who will listen.
You are very welcome to contact Tú og Eg Ràðgevingina again á 116 111 again.